Cigarettes Are Bad For You
by basil sunshine
Summary: Edward is quietly smoking a cigarette next to his cabin when Lazlo drops by. LazloEdward SLASH, oneshot. Rated T for drug references. They're 16 or 17.


**This takes place when the scouts are like...16 or 17 or something like that. It's also a Lazlo/Edward oneshot. It's rated T for drug references...so that's why. I've got a sudden interest in these two, after the Lazlo/Patsy thing became way overrated. It's kind of a drag. Aaaanyway, here you are! I hope you like it, I do. Disclaimer: I own only the plot.**

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"Hey Ed, do you like sea food?" Chip asked from across the Mess Hall table. _Oh God. Not the same joke you tell me every morning, please._

"No! Show Skip," Edward said as he turned to face the other way. Chip smiled, his mouth still full of food. He turned to face his brother, and asked him the same question.

"Hey Skip, do you like sea food?"

"Yeah!" Chip opened his mouth to show his brother, and the two of them let themselves slip into uncontrollable fits of laughter. Edward rolled his eyes as he stuck his fork in egg substitute. After a few moments of staring at the "food" on his tray, he glanced around the Mess Hall. He scanned over the other scouts, most of whom were still sleeping. He stopped to watch the loons and Samson. The guinea pig was throwing napkins at Dave, who had spilled orange juice all over the table. Ping Pong was laughing at the two as he accidentally knocked over his own glass in an attempt to take some napkins as well. Edward started laughing at them, when he was interrupted by one of the dung beetles.

"Hey Ed, can you hand me that thingy?" Chip asked, pointing to a fork that was lingering on the edge of the table.

"Yes," Edward said, annoyed as he picked it up and slid it to the other side of the table. Chip picked it up, and handed it over to Skip.

"Thanks man," He said as Skip took the fork from his brother. He stuck it under his own neckerchief, as Chip began to squirt ketchup around it, trying to make the mess look like a stab wound. Edward watched as they proceeded to be idiots.

"He's dead! Skip's dead!" Chip yelled through laughter to Edward. The platypus stared at the two. He was wondering if they were high or not, but it was _really _hard to tell with them. Edward looked around the room.

"Hey, I'm gonna get outta here," he said to the two dung beetle twins, who had finally stopped giggling. Edward turned around to get off of the bench, and took his tray of egg substitute and toast that had hardly been touched. He reached into his pocket to check if he had any cigarettes left. Chip noticed.

"Edward, don't smoke the rest of them!" He yelled very loudly as Edward walked towards the trash can. He spun around to glare at Chip. The scouts in the mess hall who were still awake looked over to the two of them. Lumpus and Slinkman glanced up from their food from across the room, but went right back to what they had been doing. They didn't care much if the scouts smoked or not, it was too much to deal with. They couldn't really stop it anyway. Edward sighed, relieved, and turned back around to head towards the trash can. He stopped at the trash can as he heard _Lazlo _let out a loud giggle.

"A little tighter," the monkey said to Clam who was sitting next to him. The little rhino was holding Lazlo's neckerchief around the monkey's head, trying to tie it in a hippie sort of fashion. Edward was still holding his tray next to the door of the trash, but couldn't take his eyes off the Jelly Trio. Raj was leaning over the table, watching Clam tie it. The rhino sat back down in his chair, having finally tied it correctly. "How do I look?" Lazlo asked.

"Trendy," Clam said, putting a packet of sugar into his orange juice.

"Very classy," Raj said, finishing his "eggs." Lazlo smiled and looked around the Mess Hall. He noticed Edward watching them, and smiled at him, giving a small wave. Edward frowned as he shoved his food into the trashcan, and turned to walk out. The monkey's smile faltered a little bit, but he soon forgot about Edward's rude gesture once Raj asked him a question about his food.

Edward slowly walked out of the large room, swinging his arms out of boredom. He began to kick a rock as he headed towards Pinto Cabin. He reached into his pocket before getting to the door, and carefully took out a cigarette. Two were missing since the last time he opened it, and knew that the dung beatles had taken them. For the most part, they all shared cigarettes. He hesitated to open the door. A nice breeze blew past him as the sun began to come out from behind the clouds. It was a very nice day, he had to admit. So instead of going inside the cabin to smoke, which normally felt depressing to Edward, he walked around to the side of it. He turned to face the rest of the camp, but remained standing right next to the cabin, unseen from doors of the Mess Hall.

He thought about sitting down, but excused the idea, noticing the mud smothered all over the ground. Chip and Skip did interesting things sometimes. He remained standing, and pulled out a lighter. He placed the cigarette in the side of his mouth and lit it up, then stuck his left hand in his pocket. It was his third that morning. Soon enough, he began to hear other scouts exiting the Mess Hall and decided not to bother hiding. No one cared about cigarettes on camp anymore. The two dung beetles lazily walked up to the cabin door. Skip tripped on the steps as he entered, and Chip laughed in return. Raj and Clam passed by Pinto Cabin, but Lazlo was nowhere around. Without noticing that he was doing it, he waited for the monkey to come skipping behind the other two. Edward almost wanted it to happen. He blinked a few times, after the thought struck him. _Cool it Edward, you should be happy that little hippie isn't around. _The silence continued for a moment. The platypus took the cigarette out of his mouth for a moment and continued to wait. He stuck it back in, where it hung on the edge of his lips. After a moment, he inhaled and took it with his right hand. He held the breath in, thinking about why Lazlo still hadn't skipped back to his cabin. He thought of what else the monket could be doing, and why it was so important. Edward excused the thoughts, and exhaled, slowly blowing the smoke out, as that very monkey came quickly around the corner of the cabin, face to face with Edward.

Lazlo coughed as the smoke rushed to his face. Edward started choking on the remaining smoke in his lungs, shocked at Lazlo's sudden appearance. The monkey squinted his eyes, fanning the cigarette smoke away from his face. Edward stared at Lazlo. "What, are you trying to kill me?!" The platypus asked, clearing his throat. Despite what had just happened, he stuck the cigarette back in his mouth.

"No, not at all Edward," Lazlo said, with a small smile as he fanned the last of the smoke away. He stopped smiling as the other scout continued smoking. "Haven't you already had about two of those?" he asked with concern.

"Yeah, basically. Did you count them or something?" Edward replied in disbelief, with a small laugh.

"I guess I did. It's kind of interesting come to think of it," the monkey said, leaning on his side against the cabin. The neckerchief was still tied around his head. He wore it like that often these days.

"Counting isn't _that _fun," Edward said, tapping the ashes away.

"No, watching you," Lazlo said, laughing. The platypus gave him a weird look. "No, watching you smoke I meant," the monkey quickly said, a little embarrassed. "The stuff you do with the smoke, I think it's kinda cool."

Edward smirked. "Yeah, it is." Having had this ego boost from Lazlo, Edward blew a few smoke rings to the monkey's delight. Lazlo began to stare at the cigarette, and Edward noticed.

"You...you want one or something?" the platypus asked, getting the box out. Lazlo gave a nervous laugh.

"Oh, no," he said quickly. "Thank you though." The monkey continued staring at the cigarette.

"What is it?" Edward asked, noticing the continued staring. Lazlo gave a weak smile.

"You know those are bad for you, don't you?" the monkey said.

"Yeah. And so is pot," Edward replied, referring to the Jelly Cabin's continuous visits to McMeusli's office. Lazlo laughed.

"I guess you're right," he replied with a laugh. "You do it too though. And they aren't half as bad as cigarettes," he added. "And pot is totally natural."

"As is tobacco," Edward replied, putting his arms around himself as a cold breeze swept by.

"But it doesn't cause cancer," Lazlo said, in a 'touché' sort of tone.

"Yeah, whatever. I like them though," Edward said, inhaling again. He held the cigarette out, and Lazlo continued to watch how the platypus slowly spun it around in his hand. He yanked Edward closer by the shirt as he tried snatching the cigarette out of his hands.

"Hey! What's the big idea?" Edward said, being too quick for the monkey, and pulling his hand away. Lazlo tried grabbing it a second time, but Edward could sort of tell that the monkey wasn't really trying, since he started giggling. He attempted to repeatedly snatch the cigarette away from Edward, who was protecting it like a mother protects her young. He started to laugh a little bit as the monkey continued to grab his arms in an attempt to take it away. He was on his tip toes, practically leaning against Edward. Suddenly, Lazlo slipped in Chip and Skip's mud, falling forward towards Edward. Acting on instinct, the platypus quickly scooped Lazlo up before he hit the muddy ground. They were in a bit of an awkward position, with Lazlo's arms around Edward's waist, holding on for dear life. Edward had his arms on Lazlo's back, having caught him by the shirt. The cigarette had been thrown nearly three feet away, to the platypus's expense.

Lazlo lingered there for a moment, and Edward didn't feel like telling him to stand up. After everything finally registered in the monkey's mind, Lazlo gave a small gasp as he quickly stood up and brushed the front of his shirt off. His neckerchief had nearly slipped off of his head, but Edward, having nothing to do with his hands anymore, reached to the monkey's head and slipped it back on.

Lazlo was little taken aback by the platypus's action, and he blushed. "Thank you," he said, awkwardly. Edward gave a small smile as he began to lean against the cabin as Lazlo had been doing earlier. The monkey did the same thing. They stood there in silence for a few moments. It wasn't an awkward silence, but more of a comfortable one. Edward then realized something he hadn't thought of earlier.

"Hey Lazlo," he said pulling his feet out of the mud.

"Yeah?" Lazlo said with a smile, turning to the platypus.

"What were you doing around here anyway?" he asked, pushing his body off from leaning on the cabin, and stood up straight. He didn't cross his arms or anything, but just let them hang at his sides. Lazlo stared at him in confusion for a second, and then laughed.

"Oh duh. Yeah! I totally forgot about that. Well I was gonna ask you something," he replied, laughing at how slow he was to remember. Edward waited in silence, but got annoyed, seeing as the monkey wasn't saying anything.

"Well?"

"Oh. Hey, do you wanna like, you know, come hang with me at Prickly Pines later or something?" Lazlo asked. Edward put his right hand on his hip, but tried to hide a small smirk, not knowing why he did it. Lazlo noticed the silence. He said quickly, "Well, you know, Raj and Clam have some 'hot' dates with Patsy and Gretchen, and they're doubling, so I just thought that--"

"Patsy and Raj?" Edward interrupted.

"Oh yeah man," Lazlo smiled. "I turned Patsy down again last week, and she's got this interest in Raj all of a sudden. I think she's finished liking me," He said, smiling at the last comment. Edward laughed at how simple Lazlo put the fact that 'she's finished liking me.' "Anyway, Raj and Nina didn't work out too well, she's in love with Dave or something...So, you want to Ed? I mean, McMeusli said he'd lend me his bus, and I have to stop by there anyway...Raj and Clam are probably going to steal the bus for tonight, so I guess, you know, we--"

"Yeah, I'd like too," Edward said, stopping Lazlo from rambling in nervousness. "I mean, I have nothing better to do," he quickly added. Lazlo grinned, ear to ear.

"Awesome! Well I guess I'll come find you later," the monkey said quickly, adjusting his neckerchief around his head, sliding it so that the knot was in back. They stood there in silence.

"Guess I'll see you around," Edward said, slowly making his way around the happy little monkey.

"Oh yeah, sure," Lazlo said, walking backwards away from the cabin. "Could we go again in a few days or something?" Edward looked back at the monkey before opening the screen door to Pinto Cabin.

"Don't push your luck, hippie," Edward said with a small smile. Lazlo laughed as he quickly ran back to his trusty Jelly Cabin.

**oooooooooooooooooooo**

**Tada! I liked it I think. It was cute to right. And Edward seems sexy with a cigarette, and I'm not even a fangirl. Well I guess I am now, hehe. Whatever man. Anyway, please read and review. I'm sorta proud of this one…. Hey, I might even make more LazloEdward oneshots.**

**Peace, love, and Edward/Lazlo.**


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